


everyone in SERVAMP is dIEING

by mikayu



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, its funny, kinda nsfw, lots of swearing, very VERY BAD and stUPID writing, you all can LAUGH at it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:22:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7837426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikayu/pseuds/mikayu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>where kuro ruins everything for mahiru, lawless tries to stop licht from flying off earth, and sakuya rams his skateboard on tsubaki's head</p>
<p>and the whole world went into dEspair</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my craving stomach that wants ice cream](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+craving+stomach+that+wants+ice+cream).



> my eyes are bloody red i didnt sleep for 438756 hours but these stories were WORTH finishing gfd im going to eat ice cream right now

"KURO! HURRY UP AND HELP ME CLEAN THE HOUSE!!" mahiru said

"my god you say that EVERY DAY. your like a broken record that also needs to be smashed into a MILLION PIECES. WHAT IS THERE EVEN TO CLEAN LIKE WHAT? I THINK ITS YOU THATS BEEN TRASHING THE HOUSE NOT ME. ITS YOUR MESS, NOT MINES UNLIKE U I DONT TOUCH MANY WING DINGS" kuro fwooshed his hair to the side.

"stip giving me a 10 minute lecture on your complaining and actually help me, for once!"

kuro just layed in his bed reading hentai.

"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MANGA!? AND IS THAT A DOUJIN OF YOU AND ME WANKING OFF ON EACH OTHER OMG I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN" mahiru yanked the book out of kuros hands.

"give me back my gayness" kuro whined

"not until you help me clean the house!

kuro got up from his blanket. "OK SO YOU WANNA GO HUH?" kuro was in his ultimate sassy mode which is rarely activated. he took mahiru's magical broom and used it as a weapon. mahiru grabbed a mop and both of them got in their battle positions.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH" KURO SCREAMED WHILE FURIOUSLY SWEEPING THE HOUSE

(how the fuck is he controlling that! i could NEVER control that stupid stick!) mahiru thought to himself

"WAIT A SECOUND THATS MINE" as if mahiru JUST realized that broom was his

"too bad bitch its no longer a virgin" kuro sticked his tongue out and shoved thE broom between his legs and started sweeping while walking awkwardly (because hes walking with the broom?)

"I FUCKING HATE YIU AAAARRRUUGGHGHGHGHJFJFKDLSL" mahiru screamed. HE STARTED SWEEPING UNTIL THE ENTIRE FLOOR WENT ON FIRE BECAUSE OF HIS AGGRESSIVE SWEEPoNG.

"jeez calm ur neep noops, look what u did. you burned the entire house...now im roasting in the flames of fire" kuro calmly said like he was used to being in satans house

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT KURO!!" mahiru screamed while spraying his face with spit in fits of rage. the vampire playfully wacked him on rhe head with his boomstick and that one action...

mahiru b-b-blush- AND THEN HIS WHOLE BODY JUST TURNED INTO A FUCKING BONFIRE and the smoke was so strong he coughed like a grandpa. kuro had it the easy way because he was a vampire and for some reason smoke doesnt affect his lungs or eyebolls. so kuro just stood there watching mahiru get melted and coughed like a dying whale.

"sigh, honestly ur just so annoying"

"OFHFLDLD HACK HACK COUGH COUGH CJFKDK" mahiru said.

"SHUT UP JUST SHUT THE HELL UP. im getting some ramen~" kuro went to the fridge that was covered in black ash. he took his time taking it out with his fine slim fingers and arching his back when peeling the top open however sO SLOWLY. he started pooring the hot water on the ramen while making random obscene sounds. "MMMMmmmm. aAaAaAaAahhhhh my sweet ramen nyaaa~" he went. his voice was beyond a level of sexiness and honestly he needs to STOP.

mahiru was already starting to shrivel up on the floor, finally stopped squaking.

"DDIIIIINNNG" went the timer. kuros ramen was done and he started to eat it right next to mahiru. when he was done he put the bowl on mahiru's head and said

"happy birthday mahiru"

but he just laid in dead silence


	2. Chapter 2

"I am an angel" licht saids and poses like won.

"Ofc u are my angel!! (´- ε -`)~ ♡" lawless said.

"I AM NOT YOUR ANGEL RAAAWWWWRRR I AM MY ANGEL" LICHT SCREAMED AT HIM

"wait wha-"

Suddenly angel-chan started to pull out a radio aggressively from his pants. He shoved his ipod into the disk and clicked the play button.

"NOTHINGS WOKING ARRUGHHGJHEOSL" Licht smashed the radio on the floor a billion times to get it to work. After the 2000th smash, the radio started to play. "Ok just watch" he started to get in his positions. suddenly k-pop started to play on the radio

"Why are you playing k-pop we live in japan" his servamp said to him

"SHUT UP AND WATCH SHIT RAT" and the angel started dancing to the k-poop. he wasnt really dancing he was more like posing explicit poses aggressively and horribly. but at the same time he was ballet dancing like he was on fire

"WOO WOOO WO WO WOOOOOOOOO GO LICHT-TAN MY A- I MEAN ANGEL-SAMA. STRETCH THOSE FUCKING LEGS!" lawless SWEATED when he almost made that mistake again.

all of the sudden the radildo was thrown in his face and turned his face flat as a pancake. he just realized lichts ipod was on volune 100 and so was the radio so it double times the soundwaves on him and he almodt had his ears BLEED

"I AM A FUCKING ANGEEEEELLLL" LICHT said as he broke the ceiling with his fake ass wing dings and flied to outer space.

"WAIT YOU CANT GO TO OUTER SPACE YOUR GONNA START TO EXPERIENCE SYMPTOMS IF YOU STAY THERE SO LONG"

"so long bitch. i dont care about my fucking body nor you so im going to live with the angels in the angel world" licht closed his angelic eyes and hovered away

"NOOOOOO" lawless grabbed onto his beautiful sausage legs and dragged him down to earth. licht landed his butt on his servamps face but lawless didnt care he was glad angel chan was breathing.

"Im glad your breathing" he said through his butt

"give me ma ipod." licht said. he did and all of the sudden

"bby you are my ANGEEELLLLLLLL~" the angel chan sang out loud

"STAHP STOP I CANT UNDERSTAND WTF UR SAYING SO STOp SINGING IN KOREAN!!" lawless screamed at him

"IM NOT EVEN SINGING IN KKOREAN! RAAAAWWWRRRRRRR" licht growled and his eyes lit on fire for he was truly OFFENDED. lawless looked afraid

"I am afraid" he said, eyes well aware and concerned over his eve. he decided to break a run for it

"DIEEEEEEE SHITTY RAT COME BACK! DIEE AAAAHHHH" licht ran after him while flapping his arms rapidly because he wants to imitate an angel (why do u have to be this way licht)

lawless started flapping his arms too as a message to the angels to take him away before licht drags him down to hell


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is very short idk why ;-;

"mmmMMMMM" kuro moaned in his bed as he tossed and turned because he was just so comfy. da bed had swallowed him whole and he just accepted his fate in the dark pits of his bed. the man couldnt get up, he was just SO TIRED he needed like 500 more years of sleep.

"KURO WAKE UP I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL" MAHIRU SAID

but noo kuro stayed in his bed sleeping. his bed and himself have become ONE. he was about to get abosorbed into his bed until mahiru dragged him up

"STOP BEING LAZY YOU SLUG!" MAHIRU SCREAMED IN HIS TIRED FACE

"stfu cant u see ma bed wants to eat me alive? its hungry and im its snack dont ruin OUR FUCKING DATE GODDAMIT" kuro turned into a cat and went for the mosh pit. mahiru went under his blanket to get him but once he went in he was about to GET DRUNK

it was a party under kuros blanket and everywhere he looked there were pillows dancin and kuro was dating a fucking pillow. the vampoire slobbered his lips all over the pillow cause he wanted affection.

"lets have sex pillow-kun" he said. kuro shoved the pillow between his legs and started screaming to his favourite emo song

mahiru just sat on the floor screaming "KURO STOP FUCKING A PILLOW YOU THINK IT CAN JUST CUM HELL NO YOU NEED A REAL PERSON TO DO IT U IDIOT"

"so ur willing to fuck my ass then?" kuro said, his emo eyes not leaving mahiru's.

"FUCK NO KFHEOWHDLS" MAHIRU SAID he ripped the pillow out of his bf's hand and smash it against his face multiple times. "ALRIGJT WERE HOIN 2 SKEWEL" MAHIRU GRABBED KUROS FACE AND DRAGGED HIM OUT THE DOOR the end


	4. Chapter 4

"L8TER SUBOKEY IM GOING TO MEET MY BF MAHIRU" sakuya flew and rammed his skateboard on top of tsubakis head. his head was bleeding. the color of blood MmMmMmMMMMMMMmmmmmm (delicious kuro would lick his lips like in ep1 lololol)

"WAIT WHY R U GOIN THERE WE HAD A PARTIE PLANNED TO CELEBRATE MY DAY OF EATING DIRTY PLANTS!! STOP RUINING MY FUN!!!!" was the last thing tsubaki said before he passed out fron bleeding like a volcano. sucks for you BITCH

Sakuya started slippin n sliding all over the streets with his fancy green ass firefly skateBOARD. he did 100 flips and accidentally cracked someones skull again. the police saw his crimes and went after him but he just speed through them faster than a train.

"HAHA YOU CANT CATCH ME U PACK OF DICKS" sakuya laughed like a clown until he crashed into someones hair who was brown. he was like OH SHIT i rammed into someones hair AGAIN. then he realized who it was....

"oh SHIT' sakuya said. he rammed into mahiru's hair and his hair looked like it was blown up after a salon. "ARE U OK MAHIRO"

"WTF ARE YOU DOING SAKUYA U RUINED MY $500 POLISHED SMOOTH HAIR! THIS SHIT'S EXPENSIVE YOU KNOW!" MAHIRU SCREAMOED AT HIM!

"WELL JEEZ IM SORRY OK" sakuya started to ruffle his hair for no reason  
"GET YO PAWS OFF ME! HMMF" mahiru's sasss level was over 9000. what a bitch

"well then wtf do u want me to do!? suck your ding dong!?" sakuya said

"WHY DONT U BUY ME MCDOODLES TO MAKE UP FOR MY STUPID AFRO HAIRRRRR!!!!!!!" MAHIRU SCREAMED UNTIL HIS VOICE WENT HOARSE

"OK FINE I WILL" sakuya peered at him with squinty eyes then skateboard away from him. he crashed into mc doo doo's and the entire restaurant screamed bc sakuya was in da house :P "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY" SAKUYA SAID. but then for that sPlit secound he remembered he was getting mahiru some chicken nuggies. "NVM WHERE ARE THOSE CHICKEN NUGGOOOTS" sakuya demanded to the cash register.  
"W-well we um sir...were gonna have to ask you to leave"

"WHERE ARE THEY I WONT HESITATE TO RAM MY SKATEBOARD UP YOUR ASS"  
and the lady just screamed and ran away from the green haired psycho. sakuya skateboarded into the kichten and set the whole place on fire. "SORRY MAHIRU BUT YOUR FRICKEN FOOD IS GONNA HAVE TO WAIT" sakuya skateboard backwards out of the restaurant and let the entire place explode. mahiru saw EVERYTHING.

the brown hair dude sat on the floor, clinging onto his knees, screaming and crying "WHYWHYWHYWHWUYYHWYUYYUYYIFIFDLD WHY DID THIS HAVE 2 HAPPEN!! I JUST WANTED MY NUGGIESSSSSS. I WANTED TO GIVE IT TO THAT LAZY FATASS KURO!!" mahiru kept sobbing and sobbing until he vomited rainbows

"m-mahiru...you shouldnt call people fatties" kuro shyly said as he watched his eve in despair

"kuro plz be quiet for just ONE secound... i just...WA-"

"its ok mahiru theres another mcdoodles across brazil. we can go there"

"WE ARENT GOING TO FLIPPIN TRAVEL THERE I LOVE IT HERE I DONT WANNA GO SOMEWHERE FOREIGN JUST TO EAT AT MY FAV RESTAURANT UHUHUUHU"

"well JEEZ THATS ALL U HAD TO SAY! RRAAAAWWWWRRRR" SAID KURO.

mahiru and kuro continued to watch sakuya destroy japan with his dumbass skateboard, doing stupid flips and tricks that end up killing people and throwing them into the hospital.

in the end, eveyone forgot about tsubaki's celebration day of eating dirty plants


End file.
